i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
