I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
