I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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