What a fucking waste of an outfit
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
