proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
