I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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