I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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