he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
