since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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