youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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