at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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