Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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