I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
