Nicole vs. Life
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
