I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
