It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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