How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
