i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
