sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
