YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
