I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
