i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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