If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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