it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
