Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
