When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
