Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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