Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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