I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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