I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
