my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
