i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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