My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
