i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
