I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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