whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
