Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
