dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
