Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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