Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
