Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
