I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
how do flat chested girls get laid?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
