Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
