It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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