If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
