I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The air was thick with penises
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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