I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
