Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
