I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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