i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
