i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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