ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
