The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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