i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's always time for handjobs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
